The Friend in my ADVERSITY i shall CHERISH MOST.
i can better trust those who helped me to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.

i'm tired. of playing a game of hide and seek.

having to conceal a load more than my heart, my mind and my body can take. but i'll try. the only way of knowing my limits is to venture over it. and *ta-da!*, a new limit has been created.

i've learnt... that i want to live for myself. i want to be the way i am. i don want to live according to what the world dictates for me. i don wan to live according to the rules & regulations set by the world, the perspectives of the world, the world's expectations of who they think i am & who i ought to be.

i ought to be who i want to be. i don't need to account to anyone anything. i am answerable to me, myself & i. this way, i can experience my life... and take with me my lessons of life, the truth i see in myself and my life, and live a life which ends with people saying "I know Cab. I know her. I truly did. That is her... That's the way she is... That's her life."

I don't want to hear people say that they find that they did not know who I really am at my death bed. Cuz I live only this once. And I want to leave memories of the real me with people around me. Cuz memory is the gift from God that death cannot destroy.

I have grown. I witnessed a very human side to life. Good and bad. But it has brought plenty to my attention. And though there are things that I wish I never knew, I'm glad to say I've saw it.

"Hold a friend's hand through times of trial, let her find love through a hug or smile; but also know when to let go;- for each and everyone of us must learn to grow."

Darling, are you letting me go? I don't want you to say so. The truth hits hard, is it time to admit I've lost this game? Do I really have to come to the awful realization that i'm not the one for you, i'm not yr gal, i'm just unworthy of yr love. I'm sorry. I suppose ever since I've taken that big step into your life, it has been plagued with an unimaginable load of worries, troubles, insecurities and basically unhappiness.

I sense your weariness dear. I do. I feel so guilty. That you understand me so much better than I do understand you. That you trust me more than I trust you. That you allow me to work more ways in your life than I am allowing you to.

You're not to blame, my dear. It's all my fault.